I tweaked a speech by General Patton for a sales meeting; enjoy...

"Sales staff, this stuff that some sources sling around about Lithia wanting out of this sales war, not wanting to sell, is a crock of bull. Lithians love to fight and to sell, traditionally. All real Lithians love the sting and clash of negotiating. You are here today for three reasons. First, because you are here to provide for your families and your loved ones. Second, you are here for your own self respect, because you would not want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real men and women and all real men and women like to sell. When you, here, everyone of you, were kids, you all admired the the fastest runner, the toughest boxer, the big league ball players, and the All-American football players. Lithians love a winner. Lithians will not tolerate a loser. We despise cowards. We play to win all of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Lithians have never lost nor will ever lose a deal; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an Lithians."
"You are not all going to die, only two percent of you right here today would die in a major negotiation. Death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all people. Yes, every sales person is scared in his first negotiation. If he says he's not, he's a liar. Some salespeople are cowards but they sell the same as the brave one’s or they get their heads slammed in watching people sell who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the person who sells even though he is scared. Some people get over their fright in a minute under the fire of negotiation. For some, it takes an hour. For some, it takes days. But a real salesperson will never let their fear of death overpower their honor, their sense of duty to their family and their country. Negotiation is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base. Lithians pride themselves on being strong and they ARE strong. Remember that the customer is just as frightened as you are, and probably more so. They are not supermen."
"All through your selling careers, you have whined about practice and roll playing. That, like everything else in this business, has a definite purpose. That purpose is alertness. Alertness must be bred into every sales rep. I couldn’t care less for a sales person who's not always on their toes. You people are veterans or you wouldn't be here. You are ready for what's to come. A salesperson must be alert at all times if they expect to stay alive. If you're not alert, sometime, a nit-picking-get-me-done-wanna-be-grinder is going to sneak up behind you and beat you to death with a sockful of manuer!" 
"An sales force is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, fights and negotiates as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse dung. The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Anchorage Daily News don't know any more about real selling under fire than they know about human reproduction!"
"We have the finest food, the finest vehicles, the best spirit, and the best salespeople in the world", "Why, I actually pity those poor sons-of-guns we're going up against, our competition. I really do pity them". 
"From time to time there will be some complaints that we are pushing our people too hard. I don't care one bit about such complaints. I believe in the old and sound rule that an ounce of sweat will save a gallon of blood. The harder WE push, the more cars we will sell. The more cars we sell, the fewer of our sales staff will die. Pushing means fewer casualties. I want you all to remember that."

"Our sales people don’t surrender I don't want to hear of any sales person under our command losing a deal unless he has been hit by the customer. Even if you are hit, you can still keep negotiating. That's not just bull either. The kind of person that we want on our sales floor is just like the salesperson recently who with 20 objections in his face, swept them all aside with one line, “Yeah but it’s gonna look great in your garage isn’t it? Sign right here, lean on the pen there’s 3 copies.” Then he jumped on the lot and went out and sold another car before they knew what was going on and before the first one got out of finance. And, all of that time, this salesperson had no computer access. There was a real salesperson! And that is what you all are, real salespeople. On to victory." 
Mixed in a couple “ooh-rahs!” throughout.