What are the ways I sabotage myself? [Getting honest]

Here’s some honest for you. I avoided writing this post because I’ve been going through a lot of change over the past 4 years and I’m tired. I crave the blissful ignorance of imagining I don’t have any major blind spots at the moment. I want to not knowwhat I need to work on for a hot second…but that is not the path I’ve committed myself to, and it’s not the path to growth or success. I’m all in on becoming the best version of myself and there’s no turning back. So who’s with me?  Let’s get started.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes

I said it in my session, and I will say it again…there is only one thing every woman who wants to be successful must fully commit herself to, and that is embracing change. Change is really the only constant in life. And change requires focused mental, emotional and spiritual energy…in other words STRESS. I know it’s very 21st century to seek opportunities to de-stress, but without stress we don’t grow.

There is a purpose to some kinds of pain, so one of the biggest ways we sabotage ourselves happens when we expend the energy we need to change, looking for ways to numb out and ease our pain. We have a drink, take an Advil, say yes when we mean no, give in and feel frustrated and resentful…the list goes on and on. Instead of the pause we ought to give ourselves that would enable us to respond in new ways, we do what we’ve always done, or what we need to do not to feel bad.

And before you decide you’ve got this nailed, understand that self-sabotage is an equal opportunity intruder. It worms its way in when you least expect it, and afflicts even those who don’t struggle with low self-esteem or lack confidence. In fact,thinking you can outsmart self-sabotage is the first step to succumbing to its insidiousness. Let me explain.

I have learned [from a friend of course] that even the most self-aware woman can be blinded to their own bent toward self-sabotage.  We refer to the ways we sabotage ourselves as bad habits or poor life choices, and look for quick fixes to get back on track. We avoid healthy confrontation, or responding to difficult requests and chalk it up to procrastination or lack of good time management. Perfectionism gets the blame when we put off starting new projects, and interruptions are why we can’t focus long enough to do the thing we need to do. And all of these reasons have a ring of truth, but our solutions often only scratch the surface of our need.

Getting Honest Rocks…You’ll See

Getting honest is the doorway to freedom from the tyranny of self-sabotage. Because, what if all of my bad habits that need fixing are really just saboteurs, keeping me from the success I deserve? What if by avoiding confrontation I’m reinforcing the core belief that my perspective isn’t important, or my thoughts and feelings matter less than others’? What if my avoidance in starting new projects is really rooted in believing I’m not worthy of success, and has nothing to do with managing my time better? What if my lack of focus has more to do with my inability to face the pain of [insert the thing] that stands in the way of my success? What if instead of getting a new plan, getting more organized or telling myself to try harder, what I really need is to be kind to myself? Forgive myself? Give myself permission to fail, to want, to start over?

The Physics of the Quest

I didn’t get to show you the last clip of my session because we were having so much fun, I ran out of time. But this clip, and the quote from Eat, Pray, Love sum up what I believe is the attitude of a woman determined to live in the light of truth. (Check out our blog to see the video)

Check your email inbox, or email me for a copy the quote to print out and put somewhere you’ll be sure to see it. [The background is a photo I took one morning when I was hiking at dawn, bravely trying to face some of my own truth and struggling.]

So here’s your homework, because you knew you’d have some!  Answer these questions [yes, honestly]:

1. What is one thing I’m avoiding, and what story am I telling myself about that?
2. What are the false beliefs about others or myself that might be sabotaging me in this particular situation?
3. What are the strengths I’ve identified in myself that I can use to move forward? What is the truth I need to tell myself?
4. If my daughter or my best friend came to me about this, what advice would I give her? Is it the same advice I give myself?
5. Write a letter to yourself.  Tell yourself the new, honest story about what’s holding you back, and give yourself the words you need to hear to be brave.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.  If you’d like to receive extra resources, links, etc, please email me and I’ll add you to my life coach list!  And either way, I’d appreciate it if you’d tweet me and/or comment to let me know you’re reading.  I appreciate each and every one of you!

#StrongerTogether,

Kristin