What if we had an all car-guy tv network? I will say that this is in no way meant to offend. It is all just good natured fun and I hope we can all laugh at ourselves. If it offends, please accept my apology. Also, check your card, you may not be a car-guy after all.

All Auto TV Network Program Line-Up

5 -6 AM: Morning Prayer- Brad Alexander and Craig Lockerd open with morning devotions and discuss today’s topic: “Is it okay to pray for a four-pay?”

6:00-7AM: Recall Today- Tune in to find out which Toyota’s are being recalled today and for what.

7-7:30: Get A Real Job!- Car guys belittle employees of other industries. This week’s target: Male nurses

7:30-8AM: Who’s Your Sugar Daddy? - Nancy Constaguay Simmons teaches how to scope out and hook the right guy. Today: “Know his pay-plan, before he’s your man” and “net worth to girth: what’s the proper ratio?”

8- 9AM: Automotive News Today- Various Dealer Principals read the articles that they considers most important and then explains why you may be too dumb to understand them. Added Special: If only they would listen to me. - How the auto industry could become really successful: Grassroots suggestions to bolster the auto industry. Today’s topic: Bring back curb feelers.

9-11AM: Morning Matinee: -Obsolete- (fantasy/drama) The sales trainers with MaxAuto do such an amazing job training that turn-over in the auto sales industry becomes a thing of the past. Now Greg and his team try to goad salespeople into committing fireable offenses to get themselves more work.

11- Noon: The Price Could be Right, But Let Me Check with My Manager (game show)- Contestants bid on items then the host takes 20 minutes to check with the show’s manager to find out how far away they are. Hosted by Gary Greenpea

Noon- 2:30PM: Midday Movie- Suckers (1999) Car sales people, underhanded business practices, drug dealers etc. ( R- language, sexual content)

2:30- 3PM: Midday Movie Review- Aaron Kominsky discusses what you should have learned from Suckers and how this movie changed his life and how it should be should be mandatory viewing for anyone considering becoming a “car-guy”

3-4PM: As The Dealership Turns (Serial/ Drama) – Office Manager, Lexi considers leaving Sales Manager, Richard for the new detail manager after seeing him wash cars shirtless.

4- 5PM: That’s Nothing!: (Daytime Talk)- Test Drive Temptation. Jim Ziegler interviews sales people who tell bizarre tales of what goes on during demo-drives and then out-does his guests with tales of his own.

5- 6:30PM: Rolling Steel- Recapping the day’s sales from dealership to dealership. Who got what out?

6:30- 7PM: Smoke Detector- Bob Gaber sifts through the sales numbers and tells you what’s really going on

7- 8PM: Dirt Lot Divas – (reality show) A group of scantily clad female wholesalers use their assets to sell beaters. Tonight Ginger asks: “Why are we pandering to these dirt-bags anyway?”

8- 9PM: If You’re not Grant, You’re Last- Grant Cardone explains why, even when you employ his proven techniques for success, you’ll still never be as good as him.

9- 10PM: The Life We have Chosen:- (reality show) Auto industry executives are forced to take the role of green-pea Sales Reps at local dealerships. This week: Duck on the Pond: The executive green-peas get tired of chasing bumpers that are mostly service customers and employees coming back from lunch.

10PM-Midnight: Evening Theatre- Fargo (1997) A car salesman tries to scam his finance source out of flooring money beginning a downward spiral ending in much blood-shed. ( R pervasive language, violence, sexual situations)

Midnight-1AM: Evening Theatre Panel- John DeLorean discusses where William H. Macy’s character from the movie “Fargo” went wrong.

1AM-2AM: Getting in is Tough, Getting Out is Tougher- Lee Iacocca condescends towards former domestic auto manufacturer CEOs: Today, Lee forces Bob Nardelli and Rick Wagoner to do a Nordictrack work-out for him while he sits back making snide comments while drinking whiskey

2- 4AM: Fire Them All- Various Sales Managers detail how they have not found a sales person, ever, who possess their talents, drive and motivation. This week the Hostile Friday Meeting Manager breaks down why salespeople suck. (This program is simply an alternative to whatching the test pattern on other channels)

4- 5AM: Hair of The Dog- Start your day with hangover remedies from national experts. This week: Travelling Trainers Talk Tequila